Santa found a new Error in his PC

Santa was having trouble with his computer. So he called Sanju, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Sanju clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, Santa called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

Santa didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Sanju grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," Santa replied."Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So Santa wrote down: I D 1 0 T

 

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What makes life 100%?

 

What makes life 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 then: H A R D W O R K 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98% K N O W L E D G E 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96% but: A T T I T U D E 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100% and: B U L L S H I T 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103% So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top. And look how far this will take you... A S S K I S S I N G 1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118% Think about it... and have a nice day at work... :)

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What is the difference between men and women?

What is the difference between men and women?

 

1

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.. 3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. 4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. 5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage. 6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. 8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! 9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

 

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FW: Long live Bachelors

........ ......... ........ ........ ......... ....

Long live Bachelors

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I don't worry about terrorism. I was  marriedfor
two years.

--Sam Kinison

( i loved this one )
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for
another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs... .."

--Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!  

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?"  The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
Idon't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled "It really works ! "

 

 

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...... ......... ......... .... ........ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ........ ....

Long live Bachelors

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I don't worry about terrorism. I was  marriedfor
two years.

--Sam Kinison

( i loved this one )
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for
another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs... .."

--Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!  

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?"  The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
Idon't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled "It really works ! "

 

 

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Sad Husband - Marital Joke

 

A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression.

The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

The bartender said, "That should make you happy."

The man sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today!"

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Men's Logic Really nice - Marital joke

 

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.


The Problem was who should get custody of the child.


The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.


The child Should be in my custody. "


The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"


The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...


Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"

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Italian Girl

A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl!!!"

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how the trip was?"

"Very good, thank you."

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!" "Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl!!!"

 

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The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man


The questions are:

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

*********

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.


*********

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

*********

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

*********

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

*********

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

*********

She....Would you get married again?

He.....Definitely not!

She....Why not - don't you like being married?

He.....Of course I do.

She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He.....Okay, I'd get married again.

She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He.....Yes, I would.

She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He.....Where else would we sleep?

She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

 

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To: My Loving Wife

 

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
Date: 21 st July, 2004

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …

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