Monday, December 15, 2008

FW: Nice.....

1 comments

  Great note for all to read it will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking  
 
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.


The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.


Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.  

 
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.


Days and weeks passed.


One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.


As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."


Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.


"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.

Do not keep this letter.

Just forward it to your friends to whom you wish blessings

 

 

 

 

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Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Job Interview

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The Job Interview

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position
of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select
the most suitable person for the job. He asked each
applicant the question, "What is two and two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was
"twenty-two. "

The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a
calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and
4.001.

The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of
Jenkins v. Smith, two and two was proven to be four.

The last applicant was an accountant. The businessman asked
him, "How much is two and two?"

The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the
door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned
across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do
you want it to be?"

He got the job...

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FW: Vow- a must read!! - Some interesting facts.

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Subject: Vow- a must read!! - Some interesting facts.

 

 

> 1. Coca-Cola was originally green. 
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> 2.  The most common name in the world is  Mohammed. 
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> 3.  The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that  they start  with. 
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> 4.  The strongest muscle in the body is the  tongue. 
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> 5.  There are two credit cards for every person in the United  States
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> 6.  TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the  letters 
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>     only on one row of the  keyboard. 
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> 7.  Women blink nearly twice as much as  men! 
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> 8.  You can't kill yourself by holding your  breath.. 
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> 9.  It is impossible to lick your  elbow. 
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> 10.  People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you 
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> Sneeze, your  heart stops for a  millisecond. 
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> 11.  It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the  sky. 
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> 12.  The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the 
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> toughest  tongue twister in the English  language. 
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> 13.  If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try  to 
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> Suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or  neck 
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> and  die. 
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> 14.  Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from 
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> History.  "Spades" - King David; "Clubs" - Alexander the Great; 
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> " Hearts" - Charlemagne; "Diamonds" -  Julius  Caesar. 
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> 15.  111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =  12,345,678,987,654,321 
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> 16.  If a statue of a warrior on a horse has both front  legs 
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> in the air, the person died in battle. If the 
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> horse has one front  leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in  battle. 
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> If the horse has a all four legs on the  ground, the person died of  natural 
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> causes. 
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> 17  What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and   
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> laser printers all have in  common? 
> Ans.. - All invented by  women. 
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> 18.  Honey - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. 
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> 19.  A crocodile cannot stick its tongue  out. 
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> 20.  A snail can sleep for three  years. 
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> 21.  All polar bears are left  handed. 
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> 22.  American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive 
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> from  each salad served in  first-class. 
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> 23.  Butterflies taste with their  feet. 
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> 24.  Elephants are the only animals that can't  jump. 
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> 25.  In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been  domesticated. 
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> 26.  On average, people fear spiders more than they do  death. 
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> 27.  Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and  'bump'
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> 28.  Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left  hand. 
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> 29.  The ant always falls over on its right side when  intoxicated. 
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> 30..  The electric chair was invented by a  dentist. 
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> 31.  The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to  the 
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> body to squirt blood 30  feet. 
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> 32.  Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have  over 
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> million  descendants. 
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> 33.  Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in 
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> your ear  by 700  times. 
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> 34.  The cigarette lighter was invented before the  match. 
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> 35.  Most lipstick contains fish  scales. 
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> 36.  Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is  different 
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> 37.  And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their  elbow.
> --
> "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

 

 

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Friday, December 12, 2008

Project Management

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Project Management
Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project.

About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I wiill grant you each one wish."

The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

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Cynical Marriage Jokes

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 Cynical Marriage Jokes

CASE 1
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

CASE 2
At the cocktail party, one women said to another,"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied,"Yes I am. I married the wrong man."

CASE 3
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

CASE4
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

CASE 5
A little boy asked his father,"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied,"I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."

CASE 6
Young son :"Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad :"That happens in most countries son."

CASE 7
Then there was a man who said,"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

CASE 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give and takes; the husband gives and the wifes take.

CASE 9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

CASE 10
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

CASE 11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,"You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied,"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

CASE 12
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

CASE 13
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife.

CASE 14
A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." And what was he before you married him." Ask the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Mast JOKE hahaha

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Gujju, Madrasi, sardar and lunch




A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work
onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch and Gujjuopened his lunch box & said, "Dhokla !
If I get dhokla one more
time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If
I
get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a
parontha
one more time, I'm jumping too."


The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to
his
death.

The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.

The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death
as
well.


At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how
really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him
again!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I
didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."


Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.

..

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Explanations............ (Good Jokes)

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1. Losing all your friends 
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed..
He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

2. Brother wanted
 
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

3. Meaning of WIFE
 
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'

4. Importance of a period
 
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'

5. Confident vs. confidential
 
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? ' Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! ' 

6. Anger management?
 
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.' 
Husband: 'How does that help?' 
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .' 

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Sachin & Sourav when 85 years old.....

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Sachin and Ganguly, 75 and 80 years old are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about cricket, like they do every day Sachin turns to Sourav and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"

Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They sake on it and sadly a few months later, poor Sachin passes away.

One day Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons when he hears a voice whisper, "Sourav, Sourav!"

Ganguly responds, "Sachin! Is that you?"

"Yes whispers Sachin's ghost.

Ganguly asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?" "Well," says Sachin, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Ganguly.

Sachin says, "Well there is cricket in heaven." Ganguly says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Sachin sighs and whispers, "You and me, We are going to open the innings on Friday."



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Email IDs of Indian Cricketers - FUN

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LAXMAN: available@home-only


KUMBLE: only@test_match


SACHIN: admitted@hospital


KAIF: good@for_nothing


SEHWAG: consistently@ out_of_form


DRAVID: stick@crease_like_fevicol


PATHAN: takewickets@only_with_ kenya


GREG CHAPPELL: only_experiment@noresult


Munaf Patel: only_line&length@nospeed


Harbhajan Singh: no_spinpitch@nowicket


Suresh Raina: why_i_am_there@ god_knows


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Women Are Such Complex Creatures:

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Women Are Such Complex Creatures:

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman,
If you don't you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,
If you don't, you are good for nothing.

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp,
If you don't you are not understanding.

If you visit her often, you are boring,
If you don't she accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy,
If you don't, she says you are a dull guy.

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait,
If she is late, she says it is a girls way.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold,
If you kiss her often, she yells you are taking advantage.

If you talk, she wants you to listen,
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

IN SHORT...
So simple, yet so complex,
So weak, yet so powerful,
So confusing, yet so desirable,
So daming, yet so wonderful... WOMEN !


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